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Mirran Kai

A Pilgrimage Home...

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Mirran Kai    105

Mirran had rarely left the Jedi Order but Mirran had been feeling rather disillusioned lately with the Order and Mirran began to wonder if her choice to be a Jedi was really her choice. She been given up to the Order by her parents as an offering of good will between the Republic, the Jedi and ambassadors of the Mirraluka. Mirran had little say over the matter, after all she had only been three years old when she had been given up to the Order. Her time with Darth Verrin had been interesting to say the least and Mirran was not sure if she honestly belonged wholly to the Jedi. She didn't feel like she wanted to join the Sith either. Their methods weren't exactly the most inspiring either. So Mirran felt she was at a crossroads in her life. She had become a Jedi padawan but now was having doubts about being part of the Order. So Mirran had come home to Alpherides. She had never been to her home planet before because her parents were seen as exiles from her home as their vision didn't correspond to the main vision of Miralukas. 

 

She landed on her home planet and received a fairly warm greeting by those around her. "Good evening, Sister....what brings you home?" A young Miralukan man said to her. 

 

Mirran gave a warm smile but then said. "My business is my own...at the moment but thank you for offering your help." 

 

The young man sighed. "I see...well if you need any help please feel free to ask me. I am Lorrash Korran." 

 

Mirran nodded and wandered off. She just didn't feel like opening up too much to her own people at the moment and turned and entered into a library. Hmm...she hoped that she could find the information she was looking for or perhaps even a holocron. There was a rumor that their was a holocron from a Jedi Master or perhaps a former Sith Apprentice held here. And Mirran was interested in her teachings. The holocron was old but hopefully, it would contain some knowledge that Mirran could draw on.....

 

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Posted (edited)

It had been a year since Thuria had last been to the Jedi Temple on Tython. She did have a Padawan once, but her becoming a Knight was so quick and so overwhelming that she wasn't sure she could live up to the task. She honestly didn't mean to abandon her Padawan. Thuria just took her ship one night and fled Tython without a word. Ultimately, it was Thuria's choice to leave the Order for a while.

 

She wandered off to explore other planets to learn more about the Force. She had grown up a little more due to finding new information about the Force, discovering the Jedi and the Sith were aligned to one side of the Force; and yet, there was more to the Force than just the Jedi and the Sith. She was eager to discover what creatures were attached to the Force and grew close to the wolves and other species. She loved the Gizka and came to see them often.

 

Now, she felt closer to becoming a Grey Jedi, with freedom and the ability to love, accepting that love was okay. That was something the Jedi forbid, but she didn't care anymore. How they managed to stay calm was beyond her. She was too emotional at times to not show off her emotions. She had trouble controlling her emotions. It was only a matter of time before her emotions came up again, but at least she could learn how to balance her emotions in a better way.

 

Yes! Balance sounded like a better term. It was better than controlling one's emotions, but rather embracing them!

 

At last, her journey led her to the planet Alpherides. Her silver hair flowed with the wind as she left her ship, carrying a lit torch with her. It was the least she could do under these circumstances, on a planet in perpetual darkness, but she would make the best of it. Now, what could she do here?

Edited by Thuria Drinna

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Mirran Kai    105

A gust of wind blew through the main city and Mirran shivered. There was no real heat from the sun of the planet. She suspected if anyone with regular eyes it would either be like eternal night or twilight. What little of the sun rose over this side of the planet and gave a very twilight aspect. As it was what little light was very dim. Mirran's race eventually lost whatever sight they had because their sight had atrophied. Mirran felt comfortable on her homeworld. She took a deep breath and felt and saw the planet with her Force sight.  She froze...damn it her master was here. Mirran wanted nothing to do with her. She felt anger rise within her. She had acted out in anger with Verrin because she had felt her master quite strongly last time. Mirran was uncertain whether to fuel that anger or to let that anger pass away. She should let it go. Maybe her master had a good reason but she had abandoned her responsibility. What kind of Jedi would do such a thing? Not a very good one, Mirran was sure of that. 

 

Mirran had no desire to have a teacher anymore. She had said so to Darth Verrin. She would figure out the Force on her own and perhaps occasionally ask for guidance. Mirran entered the library. It was mainly run by the Luka Sene. She hoped perhaps they might be able to help her but the Luka Sene weren't like the Jedi. They were more a daily part of Miraluka society. Mirran had never been a part of that particular sect and she wasn't sure she wanted to be either. Mirran didn't know anymore but Mirran was looking for the holocron of a Mirralukan Jedi Master who had once been a Sith apprentice. She wondered if the holocron might have knowledge that could help her. 

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Thuria sighed. The torchlight would last so long. She needed to find shelter somewhere.

 

Oh no! She could sense her old Padawan! Dread crossed Thuria's mind. She couldn't believe she abandoned Mirran, committing the same act all Thuria's Masters did to her growing up. She had been used to the abandonment, used to switching up between different Jedi Masters. So, how was Thuria any different from her old Masters at the Temple?

 

She should have prepared for that, but then the Jedi Temple and the Jedi themselves were responsible for her fleeing from her duty. She had moments when she didn't feel like being a part of the Jedi, but for Thuria to suddenly take off like that was enough to overwhelm anyone. Surely, if she could find Mirran, tell her what happened and why she left the Jedi, a responsibility she had fallen into but didn't really get a choice, then maybe they could find a way to heal old wounds.

 

She sighed, finding her way into a library. It was peaceful, but that feeling was so strong. What was Thuria getting herself into?

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Mirran Kai    105

Mirran sighed as she came to the librarian or rather one particular librarian. "Excuse me...I am looking for a holocron." 

 

The librarian seemed to give an overall sense that Mirran judged to be annoyed or perhaps in an overall bad mood. "Holocron...that's a Jedi thing. Are you a Jedi, child?" 

 

Mirran sighed. "Look...I am looking for a holocron of a Visas Marr. She was one of our people and the holocron wasn't normally kept with the Jedi. So I assumed it might be found here on Alpheredies. "

 

The librarian sighed. "Visas Marr...never heard of her. Are you sure she was a Miraluka?" 

 

Mirran shook her head. "Look I know my Jedi Masters and you might not know of her...but I do. She was a Jedi Master over 300 years or so ago and I'd like access to whatever records you have on her. Holocron or otherwise."

 

The librarian said calmly. "I still don't know anything about this Jedi Master. Are you certain, she was a Jedi Master?" 

 

Mirran groaned this was getting annoying. "it's apparent that for a librarian you are not that knowledgeable. Maybe you can find someone else to help me." 

 

The librarian nodded agreeing with Mirran. "That may be a good idea...." and the librarian went off in a huff. Mirran sighed and muttered lightly. "Knight Homra at least was a better archivist than this stupid woman." 

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Thuria searched around for something to read. Something to take her mind off this strong pull the Force was giving her. Her ears pricked up at the words "stupid woman". Was the librarian comparing her to Homra? She huffed, doing her best to keep calm. She wanted to cry. She couldn't help being overwhelmed! Wasn't it enough that she needed to get away from the Jedi? Now, they were calling her stupid?

 

She shook her head, dismissing the idea. Fine. If that was how the Jedi were treating her, then she got the hint. She had already been forced against her will to do things for the Jedi. It was bad enough someone else had to call her out for it, too!

 

Her anger raged inside of her. No, she would keep calm. She could master this and just leave the planet... but no! She was here searching for more information about the Grey Jedi. The last thing she wanted was to be treated poorly over something she didn't have much of a say over. She had enough of Jedi for a while!

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Mirran Kai    105

Mirran waited impatiently for another librarian when she felt something prick her a sense of wellbeing. She extended her senses further. Oh, great....that was just great....her master was here and in the same room as she. Mirran had half a mind of walking out of this library. Why in the Force had her master come to this planet? This was her home, her people and her domain in a sense. 

 

But there was an advantage to this....Mirran was home and she could see everything and felt more at home here than her master could. 

 

But she decided to extend her senses outward and she said angrily through the Force. :: You're not wanted here....go home. This is my home, not yours!:: 

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Thuria's senses perked up. Mirran had found her and she was angry. Well, that made two of them.

 

They needed to straighten things out, but even she knew she couldn't talk about private matters too much in a library. At the same time, she had to talk to Mirran, see if there was a way to apologize for her behavior. Still, the wave of anger from her old Padawan sent chills up her spine.

 

We need to talk. Thuria spoke to Mirran through the Force. She paused, knowing she would have to explain everything now through there. It seems the Force brought us back together for a reason. I'm sorry for abandoning you, like my Masters did to me more than once, leaving me with other Masters. That wasn't supposed to happen, but it did and now I am to blame for that, for abandoning you in the way I did.

 

She went on, explaining through the Force, By that point, by the time I became a Knight and you my Padawan, I was too overwhelmed with everything going on at the Jedi Temple. I'm not sure if I did everything in the Jedi Trials to get to Knighthood, but all of a sudden I was a Knight and didn't know how to take it. I know I'm not a teacher. I wouldn't have known what to teach you, even after everything I had been taught. She paused, continuing through the Force, During my time as Padawan, I was forced to do things in ways to stay with the Jedi Ways. Things I didn't approve of. If I stuck with the Jedi any longer, I doubt I would ever feel love again. I fell in love at one point with another Padawan, but I was told that love is forbidden and I had to choose to either stick to the Jedi Ways or leave the Jedi Order and not continue my training. I lost the man I love because of the Jedi. I nearly lost myself every time the Jedi kept pulling me back to their ways. So, by the time you became my Padawan, I was too overwhelmed to do much of anything else. So, I fled. I fled to seek out the Grey Jedi ways. I intend to find a silver crystal and make a new lightsaber. It's no excuse that I abandoned you, but so many things happened at once that I couldn't take it anymore. I'm sorry you wound up abandoned. We don't even have to be Knight and Padawan, Master and Padawan, anymore. We can be friends, if that's what you want. I'll leave that up to you to decide where we go from here.

 

Thuria sighed, glad all the things she needed to tell Mirran came out. She hoped Mirran would understand why she left. It was the truth! Who could deny the truth?

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Mirran Kai    105

Mirran growled back :: I don't care.... you left me. For selfish and pathetic reasons. I don't want a master....I don't NEED  a master. Not anymore. I've broken free from Jedi hypocrisy and Jedi ways. I am my own person now. I am not innocent or naive Mirran anymore. I learned the truth...the Jedi deny their emotions and are as bad if not as worse as the Sith. The Sith....think they are unique because they rely on the Dark Side,  but they are not. They separated themselves from the Jedi and are just as flawed. I want nothing to do with either anymore. Grey....light....dark....they are all parts of flawed individuals. You think that coming here and begging for forgiveness makes you better somehow. It doesn't. It makes you a hypocrite. I want to fight you....MASTER. I don't want to kill you....because I would end up killing a part of myself in the process... I think....but I want a release....from this anger....this pain....and that can only be done through confrontation.:: 

 

 

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Thuria stared stunned. What had Mirran gone through? Oh, now she realized what she did. She left Mirran before they truly got to know each other. How was that different from Thuria getting to know Master Kast for a brief time? She had more time with Brison than she did with Master Kast, and yet she looked up to Master Kast. Master Kast was the best Jedi around! Oh, now she saw what she did to Mirran. And yet, no forgiveness? What happened to Mirran?

 

The Sith? Thuria asked through the Force. She calmed down. It was another trial. Yes, but we are all hypocrites at some point, Mirran. But Mirran, do you honestly think that confrontation is going to make you better, make you happy? You'll earn none of that through a fight. Only more anger. Mirran, we only met a brief time and now you think you you know everything there is about me. I hardly know you, Mirran. I don't know what you experienced, but you've got to face sense at some point and see that confrontations will only lead to more confrontations. It won't be healthy and you'll feel worse. Fight me all you want, but I will not fight you. She shook her head. No one said I was better. I'm not here to compete with you. I want to make amends. Yes, I am pathetic, but selfish... no. What did the Sith do to you, Mirran?

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Mirran Kai    105

Mirran snarled back:: They made me see the lies of the Jedi. Emotion frees me, makes me powerful and I do not deny it anymore as the Jedi do. Everyone has lied to me....MASTER. My parents, they used my droid to spy on me. They said he was a coming of age gift. You said you were going to train me....that was a lie. And what amends? And then Master Giran was going to train me and you know what....just like you....he left me. I had no one to take me on. There is an alliance now the Jedi and the Sith decided to work together against a common enemy and....well I found a teacher willing to teach me. More so than any of the Jedi.:: 

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Thuria grunted. She shook her head. So, it was a pattern for the Jedi Masters to abandon their Padawans, so early in their teachings. Why did the Jedi do that? Did they ever stay with their Padawans for a long time? She sighed, realizing what she needed to say. Look, I'm sorry you went through that ordeal. At least, you didn't give up with finding a teacher, even if it wasn't me. I'm sorry I lied to you. Our paths are different. I will not fight you, Mirran. And since you have a teacher, you don't need me anymore. You can live out your life as you want, not because I'm interfering, but because it's your choice, Mirran. You chose this path. You have a choice, something that I didn't have when I was a Padawan. To hear you say I left for selfish and pathetic reasons makes it seems like my leaving was worthless, that I should stay with the Jedi until I die. Is that really what you expected me to do? Wouldn't you want to break free, after being forced to do things you didn't want to do? You're luckier than I was at having a choice, but to fight me with words just confirms that I had every reason to leave the Jedi. Life happens, Mirran. We cannot control what happens to us. Think about it.

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Mirran Kai    105

Mirran tone suddenly softened. Verrin never said he would be her teacher either and she didn't really want him as a teacher. Maybe she had exaggerated the truth some and she suddenly felt slightly scared. Her tone became much more demure. ::I...I don't know what I want anymore... my parents pushed me into the Order as a three-year-old child.  I never really had much of a choice on what I wanted. They had some vision in the Force...but visions in the Force are fleeting and can change. I.....:: Mirran paused. :: Everything....I hurt inside....and perhaps I want to hurt you to relieve the pain I feel within me.:: 

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Thuria nodded. Then we are alike then, aren't we? Forced into doing things we didn't want to do. Maybe that's why we left the Jedi Order. It's okay, Mirran. You have every right to be angry with me. I understand what it's like to hurt all the time. It takes a long time to recover from that kind of pain, especially if it's damaged you so much. You can let out your anger, let out all your emotions, how you feel about everything. Who knows? You may feel better. Sometimes it's good to get all of the pain out of you and talk to someone about it. I'll listen.

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Mirran Kai    105

Mirran came over to where her Master was and said softly. "Perhaps we should try and give it a 2nd chance. I am not sure I want to be a Jedi...at one point in time it was all I wanted to be...but now...I am not the same person you met before you left.  I was eager to learn the ways of the Jedi but now....not so much. I have a lot of anger and hate in my heart and I am not wanting to temper it as much as I did when I was in the Order because a life without those emotions is just as wrong to me. Trying to live a life separated and divorced from it....makes one a creature that might not even be considered sentient. To be truthful I have always believed this but I was scolded for such a belief with the Jedi....I came to a realization of it during training with Darth Verrin. Yet...the Sith came out of the Jedi so...I do not believe their ways are right either." 

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Thuria turned to Mirran. She smiled, glad to see Mirran had calmed down, but then she did, too. She nodded, admitting, "Yeah, I didn't feel free in the Jedi Order either. I was angry half the time. I thought being with the Jedi was a good idea. At first, that's what I thought. But then, after all I've been through, and with bursts of anger coming out, I couldn't take it anymore. Having a life devoid of emotions is not good. You're right about that. Having no emotions damages a person. I think having emotions is what helps keep the Force balanced, but then it is my opinion." She nodded, grinning happily. "Yes, I think that's a good idea. We can start as friends and work from there. I'll tell you that I'm not a know-it-all. So, if you're willing to share information with me, you can do that. Don't be afraid to share knowledge. It's okay. Your opinion counts, too, Mirran, and it matters."

 

She added, shaking her head, "Yeah. The Jedi and the Sith have their own codes. One is more aggressive than the other, while the other is devoid of emotions and thinks its peaceful. I'm still learning about the Grey Jedi. I'm not there yet with the Grey Jedi, but if it doesn't work out, then we could take our own path, try something new. Work as a team. What do you say?" She asked, allowing Mirran to decide what to do now.

 

"And it's okay. We all change." She said with a calm grin.

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Mirran Kai    105

Mirran nodded. "Friend's first....and then maybe just maybe I will call you master....eventually. I was actually here to find more about a Jedi Master named Visas Marr. She was one of my people...apparently, she was a Sith and served a Sith Master for a time but then forsook the Sith and went on to serve the Jedi. I am thinking her view of the Force would be more unique than others. Yet apparently the first librarian I spoke with has no clue about her. That is probably because a lot of my people do not become Jedi or Sith for that matter. But my parents...they were fixated on the idea that I should become a Jedi. But I guess I am not alone in not wanting to be a Jedi since a lot of my people are not." 

 

 

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Thuria smiled. "Of course. It's better to just be yourself. And no, you're not alone!" She nodded, hoping they could be friends. "Then let's learn more about Visas Marr." She added, admitting sheepishly, "I kind of overheard some part of your conversation with the librarian. I nearly thought you were talking about me. I guess I was wrong."

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Mirran Kai    105
Posted (edited)

Mirran stated. "I am annoyed at the librarian here. She must be a student herself. She seemed well not....too keen to help anyone." 

 

Mirran looked thoughtful for a moment. "How are you doing? I mean....you'll go blind if you spend too much time on this planet. It's not exactly hospitable to those who have eyes. It's either dark or like light twilight....I mean to those who actually have eyes to see. My people lost the ability to physically see anything because of the environment." 

 

Mirran went over to a terminal and began to quietly type in a querry. "Hmm....it seems that the archival retrieval system has a holocron avaliable as well but it requires a Luka Sene Master to retrieve it."

 

Mirran sighed. "Great....now I suppose we're going to have to find a Luka Sene Master to help us." 

Edited by Mirran Kai

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Thuria nodded. Her eyes did feel a little irritated. It wasn't bad. Well, she knew she couldn't stay on this planet for too long. "My eyes are a bit itchy. We need to hurry then. The last thing I want is to go blind." She sighed. "No offense. I just love to look at nature. I don't know what would happen if I lost my eyesight." She hoped she wouldn't go blind. That would be bad.

 

She followed Mirran over to the terminal. "Mirran, do you think you can sense a Luka Sense Master on this planet? I need your sight around here."

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