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Darth Renatus

Sith Lord
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526 The Living Force

About Darth Renatus

  • Rank
    Sith
  • Birthday May 23

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  • Alignment
    Corruption II
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    Bodyguard: Very Skilled (10SP)
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    England
  • Main Account
    Ahashra
  • Social Points
    12

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  1. Operis Tenebris

    Verrin's words hung heavily in the air, so profound was the matter at hand. As such, it took a moment of deep consideration and thought before Ahashra even offered a glimpse into what she was thinking. 'Do you truly feel they need to be trained?' She questioned, making reference to the birth mothers. 'Surely it would be more ideal to capture them, and then keep them segregated. Training them may make them into potentially devastating weapons, weapons that could misfire, say, when their children are taken away from them. Whilst it would be ethical to keep the family unit together and keep the deception small, I'm unconvinced if that would be the most profitable direction. If something were to go wrong, we would have no fail safe. They could potentially end us. Whereas, if we looked after them, but didn't train them, then all we would need to be concerned about would be "harvesting the crop", so to speak. Perhaps some deception here would neutralise the need to be forceful. The only thing I see an issue with is taking the child... the mother will know regardless of how it is done, and you couldn't tell them that all are being lost, so I don't see how you could conceal the fact that we were taking them all away.' 'The Sith spirits are a different thing entirely' She continued, taking a deep sigh as she changed subject. It was all very complicated and convoluted to put into words. 'There are plenty out there, certainly, but it may be difficult to know exactly which ones we want to bring back. I don't see how you could filter it... so it would have to be a case of vetting the result of each possession. If the result was not as desired, for whatever reason, then we simply find a way to shatter the mind before it become a problem, or a threat. That being said, the possession itself wouldn't be that simple. Without the required rituals it can end badly. For example, I had no intelligent function over this body after possessing it, not until Rae summoned forth my conscious thought with a ritual. I'm guessing we wouldn't be having this conversation if you didn't have the knowledge of how to do such a ritual...' 'After that it took months, if not years, to fracture and subdue all the other mental constructs that opposed my will. It was a frustrating process. The only way I can describe it is akin to breathing life into a corpse, where the old bones are unresponsive until you give them new life, suffering from something akin to the shadow of a multiple personality disorder, and being haunted by your own past. All in all it is a toxic cocktail, the likes of which could break the host or the body.' That was all she was willing to say for now. The entire process of possession was somewhat personal, she thought - and Ahashra felt that she had put that across in a way. What she wanted to stop short of however was how she felt this had impacted on her, what quirks she had developed, and what she had gone through. Why she didn't want to say, she wasn't sure... but part of her felt somewhat comfortable with her body, and the prospect of breaking a new one in didn't appeal to her. Then again...
  2. Operis Tenebris

    Renatus listened acutely, her ears pricking up at the mention of their being possibly other Sith. She berated herself on the thought. Of all the places she had to end up, she ended up here, on Dathomir. The planet was exquisite, and mysterious, hence why she had stayed so long, but to be stuck here now with the pomp and pox of the Sith that remained... it was boring, and distasteful. Whilst there may be more Sith out there in the Galaxy, some of those on Dromund Kaas would likely cut their nose off to spite their face. Maybe they all deserved to be here, or maybe it was all part of the bigger picture... truly, who knew other than the Force? ‘A cunning plan doesn’t need to be sinister,’ Ahashra noted wistfully, mulling over her words as she spoke. ‘It just needs to be smart – without that kind of thinking we’re going to be stuck on this space rock for a very long time... well, hiding here, at least. It would be nice to have some sort of goal, so that at least we felt a bit more in control of things, and not just cast to the wind.’ A wave of relief washed over here when Verrin reassured that no machines would be involved... in part she had been making light of his request, but then the Sith were a strange culture, and desperate times called for desperate measures. From some of the things that Sith had attempted in the past, Ahashra wouldn’t put regenerating an entire race of people through any means necessary past their desires, or their capabilities. Although, the mere consideration of machines being involved in the process at all was enough to send a chill down her spine... ‘I've heard of this kind of thing before’ said Renatus, drawing the knowledge forth from where it lay dormant in her gray matter. ‘I’m sure I heard the Rakatta had such a technology’ she elaborated, before explaining ‘where one’s mind was able to be stored in a host as such. Like you say, similar to essence transfer, but based in technology. I’m not even sure how such a thing would work, let alone if it is true that it exists. If it is theoretically possible then one mind could potentially jump from host to host as they see fit, or we, the Sith, could control them being implanted into a host body’ On that note Ahashra paused, the little cogs in her brain starting to turn as the cobwebs got dusted away. ‘If this did work, the amount of control one could have over the offsprings potential would be God like... think about it; you could decide at birth the innate potential for a being to tap into the Force. After mastering the production process you’d just need to create an illusion to hide the fact, and you would have the greatest cannon fodder since the Legion!’ The former Temple Lord smirked, unable to hold the wise crack back. Old habits died hard, especially when one had endured death itself. ‘Even if you made a few, and used them as templates to create new Sith bloodlines, it would change the structure of our society as we know it. It could change everything, even potentially be disastrous if they found out the mundane truth. How do you plan to get started? Surely the only way is to kidnap natives? And won’t you need a supply Sith spirits?’
  3. Operis Tenebris

    A smile possessed Ahashra's lips as Verrin sought to reassure her. A smile, so simple in it's nature, and yet so far from the sensations that haunted her mind, that she carried within her soul. There was no filter, no veil, between her and Verrin - not for her part, at least. This in it's self was worthy of recognition amongst the Sith, unappreciated by most in the past, with most now being nought but space dust, so now only unappreciated by some. When his hand touched hers she blushed somewhat. The heat lit up her cheeks, causing her to curse inward, and try to subdue the reaction from Verrin's sight. How successful she was she didn't know, but she carried on listening casually as the Kaar continued to speak, a steady breeze casually reminding her that her cheeks may or may not be lit up like lighthouses against her pale face. Verrin had always been an interesting conversation companion, amongst all his other talents. He regaled Ahashra of stories about his dreams; his wife, children, and how he fell short of bringing his ambitions into fruition. In a way his story was like many others, laced with tragedy that he did not deserve, the difference being that out of all the Sith on Dathomir, Verrin was probably the only one that Ahashra actually cared about. As such his words still tugged on her heart strings, brewing up emotions that she felt about his misfortune, and rekindling emotions about her own demise in the process. It wasn't long before the former Temple Lord had correlated the two Sith's life stories into a tapestry of tragedy... truly, when in a bad mood, she could make anything look yet more grim. Black was the new black on Dathomir, after all. When he turned his head to regard her, she simply shied away. Time could heal all wounds? She didn't think so. It hadn't for her. In her state of mind, she struggled to see through his logic around this. Part of her could see his point, but she was unable to accept that... there was a void that simply could not be filled. No matter what was thrown at it, it had gnawed at her core since she had died. Perhaps it was a side effect of simply enduring the great end, or a defect caused upon her psyche by it. Whatever it was, it was eternal, and defied the logic of the living as it consumed the thoughts that could have been healing for her. She continued to look off into the distance as the Kaar spoke about the Sith ancestors, a story that she knew as well as any educated Sith in the Galaxy... an ironic thought, since there weren't many left. All in all she listened to his proposal. It was interesting, for certain, but also out of this world... the complexity of the task, the potential ramifications... she liked it. Shaking her head, she turned to face Verrin once more, revealing that her lips had turned into a smirk. "It's nice to know you've lost none of that ambition!" She said sarcastically, before offering another witty blow "Well, you may as well dream big I suppose, since, you know, there are virtually no Sith left in existence in the Galaxy." On that note Ahashra sighed, shaking her head whilst smirking still. It took a while for such a grand and dramatic plan to sink in. She had heard some interesting notions over the years, but this, this topped Jesck wanting to create a supply of Dreadnought like droids for the Temple Armoury. And yet, this was Verrin... the notion was a serious one. "I'm guessing you have a cunning plan?" She said, seeking reassurance that this was a serious suggestion, that Verrin had thought about scientifically. Usually she wouldn't question... but this was so out there, so far fetched, that it was either madness or genius. Could two SIth accomplish such a feat? Would the other Sith try to stop them? There were probably few alive who could even have a decent try... and the Jedi were oblivious. Truthfully, Renatus didn't need that much convincing to throw her weight behind the idea. Anything was worth a roll of the dice at this point. "You're not planning to use me as some kind of motherly vessel are you?" She finally asked, narrowing her eyes. Part of her was joking... the other part wanted to be completely sure of what she was getting herself into.
  4. Operis Tenebris

    Ahashra let out a smirk. Did she love this place? "I would be lying to you if I said I didn't." She answered passionately, before elaborating somewhat. "This planet has many wonders, such wonderful hills meeting harsh plains being one of them. The Force flowing strong... it is almost mystical, in a sense. I often wonder, with the Temple being gone now, if I were to die where is the one place I would like to haunt - and I think, Dathomir. Time eternal could pass by here and my spirit would still find pleasure, both in the darkness and the sights." For a moment she paused, mulling over a thought in her mind, before wistfully concluding "And of course there's no chance of any Jedi coming here and banishing me any time soon. I would hope." As Verrin palmed away at clumps of dirt, Ahashra twirled blades of grass between her finger tips, letting them gracefully fall to the ground after they lost their stature in her grip. Then she repeated the process, almost appearing consumed by the thought as the Kaar asked his next question. Aspirations. A moment of silence passed, before she let out a short chuckle. "Could you ask a more difficult series of questions to a Sith so devoid from the hierarchy?" She answered sarcastically, forever making light of the weight that some answers could hold behind them. She could reply that she wanted to become a Master again to an Apprentice, or a Kaar, even Empress, but all those things felt so heavy to her now... she felt removed from what Acolytes she did encounter at the Academy, even more so than before. It was something that perhaps she hadn't realised at first, but ultimately after losing Xalia, who wasn't her apprentice for long, there wasn't much drive left in her old desire to teach - and if there was, it was currently hollow, just like the words that came from her mouth. "Of course I do..." she claimed rather unconvincingly, before correcting herself "I've got plans for what I am going to eat for dinner tonight." Beyond the joke, which ironically had an element of truth to it, as mundane as it was, there was an air of sorrow beneath it all. Something that now was deeply hidden by time, but still not forgotten. The only thing that drives me is sorrow, she said to herself - before reasoning that it wasn't true. No, it wasn't sorrow... not in the strictness sense, at least. Sorrow was an effect from the cause, which was... "Memories. The only thing that drives me is my memories." Ahashra smirked again, shaking her head as she tossed a blade of grass to the floor, the movement as if it were a heavy object. "As if I have ever pursued my own desires. The most liberating thing that happened to me was turning up at Nogata, and then what. Forced to serve as an Academy Instructor to spy on Cideon, then to kill my Master to save my lives, and ultimately thrown into the sick game that was the Sith hierarchy on Dromund Kaas. I take it back, I did pursue my desires - as Temple Lord. That is when I felt truly alive. That is when I felt the most Sith, the closest to accomplishing something great. But now that is just a memory..." "Darth Abraxas" She crowed ominously, as if it were a name forbidden to be said. Closing her eyes, she rested back in the grass, listening to Verrin's final question. Did she dream. "Do nightmares count?" She quipped woefully before scrunching up her nose. "I can't tell you the answer. I don't know if I dream of being Temple Lord again, or if I am just remembering." The answer was telling, and rather emotional, for something coming from a Sith. The eloquence of the reply was deep enough to be read as far as the listener wanted to go, its depths being a murky sadness that likely would never cease. The life of a Sith led to a tormented soul in the vast majority of cases, with those surviving longer than most simply becoming twisted in body and mind. The fact that Renatus' spirit had endured death only to return to the living was the icing on the cake. The young women that were the butt of all jokes due to their emotionally outbursts had nothing on the angst that Ahashra had sunk deep down in her heart. "How about you?" Ahashra asked, a scowl on her face as she tried to lock the chests of emotion opening up inside of her, eyes gazing up at the Dathomirian sky...
  5. Operis Tenebris

    Dathomir, 'Singing Mountain' Date: TBD One could be forgiven in thinking that nature was a gracefully peaceful in all ecosystems, across all planets - That all living creatures were symbiotic with their natural habitats. It was clear that such people who held those view had never stepped foot on Dathomir. The planet was as much a wild beast as the dark and twisted creatures that skulked across its surface. Even the fauna appeared to twist into shrieking figures, and almost desert like flats collected eerie mists that were nigh unnavigable. Hence, Ahashra was not at all surprised that the presence of the last remaining Sith had gone unnoticed for quite some time. No battalion of Jedi had come to hunt down the Sith on Dathomir, and much the same, no legion of hopefuls had come to bolster their ranks. Instead, life had continued in an almost monastic fashion. Those that did make their way to join the Sith had done so under secrecy, the vast majority being uninspiring to say the least. As such Ahashra’s commitment had waned. Boredom, depression, obsession... the new Academy wasn’t like the one on Nogatan, and didn’t resemble anything from Dromund Kaas. She had become as much preoccupied in her own thoughts, finding solace in the fact that the Sith had survived by the skin of their teeth, whilst some Sith walked the halls insufferably arrogant as always. The lack lustre Sith hopefuls did little to ease her mind, and were more so the trigger of many of her darkest fears than an escape from them. These lowly creatures were destined to survive, despite all the frustration they caused, for their lives were secured by faith in the cause, the size of their credit chips, and the ever pressing need for future cannon fodder. All in all life had become rather dull, faces rather repetitive, and everything was just too slow. So much so that often Ahashra looked out of the Academy and reminisced about her time being dead, and how being a Force Ghost again would at least add a layer of complexity to her overall existence. As such, when she received a summons from Darth Verrin it was a welcome break from the monotone existence of life in the Academy. The message she had received left instructions on how to reach a certain meeting point, far out in the wilds. From the Academy one had to navigate across dense jungles and steep ravines, until finally the place of the meeting came into view. The Darth didn’t know if she were to call it an island of a mountain, for it looked like it could have been both; a tear drop like island, cut off from the land around it by a ravine filled with water, rising to a steep plateau. Renatus came to rest on a half sunken slab, part of a structure that had at some point fallen to the ground and shattered. There she stilled herself, reflecting on this place... Somewhere in the distance there came the sound of crashing water, but apart from that the landscape was particularly silent, and noticeably less dense. It were as if someone had tamed this region, or at least tried, for it still felt like Dathomir... just, different. Less chaotic. Reaching out, Ahashra tried to unpick the puzzle in her mind, anticipating answers upon the arrival of her noble companion.
  6. Return to Sender

    After Verrin left, Ahashra eyed her new found home cautiously. Without Verrin’s presence she found herself being consumed by the small metallic box she now found herself in – or did she find herself filling it? Flopping onto her mattress, she tried to comprehend exactly what she had got herself into... again. It wasn’t just part of her that disliked being cramped up in some academy bedsit, but part that disagreed with being here to help in the first place. Wide eyed, Ahashra just lay there, staring at the blank metallic ceiling, consumed by her thoughts. For hours her mind spun, thinking about those lost, remembering what had come before, judging what was now, weighing up what was to come, until, finally, she curled up and let herself sleep. Despite all of the weight she put on herself, the final thought to leave her mind was that it was nice to have a proper bed again. In the days that passed Ahashra made little attempt to mix in with the rest of the academy. Every morning she awoke, meditated in the central hallway, returned to her chamber, and then chose some other grand adventure for her afternoon fix. One day she visited the library, just to compare what literature they had compared to the Temple’s back in the day, and on another day she did a lap around the exterior of the academy, admiring the stonework, and so forth. Finally, she turned up at Verrin’s office once more. Dressed down, the woman wore a simple black tunic, covering herself with a black robe; one of the more traditional garbs of the Sith. Her hair cascaded down almost to her waistline, short of it by an inch or two, the purity of her Arkanian hosts white hair giving way to an unnatural grey and black tint at the tips. She wore no makeup, and had no other accessory, other than the lightsaber that clung to her belt. Some might think dressing like this would be denying who she was, or not being on the road to recovery, but they would be wrong. Ahashra needed to look at herself in the mirror and not see the armour of Renatus. She needed to wake up and have basic amenities, to be able to wear something that was comfortable, and to feel the security of stone and metal. The destruction of the Sith Empire could have tortured and twisted Darth Renatus into something cruel and beyond control, bent on nothing but destroying all living things, but Ahashra didn’t allow that. She recognised that, if she were to give in fully to her primal desires, to her hate, and need for vengeance, then she would become her former master; Darth Siren. It was Siren who had planned to use Sith Magic to control Nogatan, and Ahashra who had rallied the Temple to stop her. Back then she was Siren’s apprentice, and a covert agent in the academy, teaching acolytes whilst reporting on Darth Cideon’s dealings. Upon Siren’s defeat, Ahashra had her incarcerated in carbonite beneath the Temple, showing that master and apprentice where a cut apart with values. As soul destroying as the Sith Empire’s demise was, Ahashra still wasn’t willing to let that route her back onto the path that her master would have had her walk. Knock knock The tapping came, lightly wrapped against the door. The Darth could sense Verrin was present, the door being open a crack as a physical confirmation, but politely she waited for a reply before entering. Once invited in she did a courtesy before taking a seat, making herself comfortable before asking “Darth Verrin, If I remember correctly I believe I owe you some answers to a few questions?” Force knows what the Kaar wanted to ask, but Ahashra would try and answer all the best regardless.
  7. The quiet one

    The halls of the academy suddenly grew busy with a flurry of acolytes, making their way to whatever training they saw fit in an effort to prevent their own demise, before once again everything grew more silent. Despite her experience teaching the Sith in the Nogatan academy, Ahashra found the rabble on Dathomir somewhat displeasing. A grimace possessed her features as her eyes picked them apart as they passed near her. Could the Sith truly come back from this defeat? Were these dregs even suitable to serve? If only all of them would show at the least some promise with the mundane arts, then she would have felt more reassured that there may be some diamonds in the rough throughout the ranks. “You’d do yourself well to familiarise yourself quickly with the academy then, Sutem Wry, and begin whatever training you deem fit... but if you ever find yourself wanting, grasping for something you do not understand, or with an interest in the esoteric arts, then by all means seek me out.” With that Renatus began walking away, leaving the fresh faced Human be about her business. “The Sith are counting on recruits like you to be our next generation, I’d hate to see good talent go to waste” she exclaimed loudly, speaking over her shoulder, silhouette fading into the darkness of one of the academies many corridors.
  8. The quiet one

    “I wouldn’t say it was all for nothing” said Renatus, now smirking as she broke from her meditation. She cast an eye over the woman in front of her, curiosity getting the better of her as she was barely able to hear the woman’s voice. She looked in good shape, for someone who appeared to have such noble features. The Sith guessed the newcomer was resourceful from her entrance, and was more equipped than most she had bumped into so far in the new academy. All in all it was enough to cause Renatus to raise a brow in approval. “If I wasn’t capable with the Force then I wouldn’t have sensed your entrance, Sutem Wry” The Darth continued. “That counts for something - quite a lot, actually. Resourcefulness is a rare and valuable trait. Luckily for you, there are fewer competent Force users in the Galaxy now than there were several years ago. That makes your skills all the more desirable.” On that note Renatus rose to her feet, standing equally as tall as Sutem. Pale yellow eyes burned beneath her cowl, picking the newcomer over in as least an intimidating way as possible. If anything the Darth was simply curious, for it had been sometime since a newcomer had peeked her interest, especially given that she had been on Dathomir alone for over a year. She knew that the fact that she was a Sith, however, might make this somewhat... awkward, and so she shifted her eyes quickly. “I’m Darth Renatus” She noted, before changing the subject “I hope this academy allows you to push your talents and learn new ones.” Ahashra looked around, admiring the architecture as if she had never seen it before, then asked quizzically “Have you been on this forsaken planet long?”
  9. Posts tomorrow after work.

    1. Sel Anabasis

      Sel Anabasis

      I'd be more concerned about Sutem making a doppelganger Ash. ;)

    2. Darth Renatus

      Darth Renatus

      It's already crossed my mind :P

  10. The quiet one

    It had been several days since Renatus had arrived at the academy on Dathomir. She had taken the time to freshen up somewhat, having spent over a year living in the wilds. The comfort of being indoors was a welcome one, even if the room that Darth Verrin had given her was sparse. During her time in the wild she had decided that such comforts weren’t needed in ones search for enlightenment in the dark side, and whilst she still maintained that view, it was undeniable to her that she had missed civilization and all its wonders. From simply have a physical book to read, to feathered pillows, and of course, a cup of coffee in the morning. Some might say that Ahashra was settling in, but part of her stubbornly still rejected the academy as being confining… just a metallic box… she longed to leave its halls, and to get back into the world. Part of her routine whilst being in the wild had been to meditate on the darkness for vast amounts of time, so much so that it would have driven other Sith to tears through boredom. To Renatus, however, it was a dark solace, the equivalent to reading a book filled with puzzles, clues drip feeding themselves to her so that she could progress to the next page. Enlightenment felt a long way off, but the benefits and wisdom that the practice had bestowed upon her were undeniable. Hence, every morning, the former Kaar of Mysteries could be found meditating on the ground floor of the academy, attempting to further her understanding. Bathing in the dark side, she could openly sense all who walked through the space she was sat in. More often than not she willed these sensations to the back of her mind. They were mortal distractions from the eternal force that she desired so much to converse with. For all intents and purposes, the sensation of those passing through never disturbed her, apart from the odd person. A prime example being the person who had just entered the academy… at first Ahashra hadn’t thought anything of them. She had sensed their approaching, and whilst they didn’t feel familiar to her they hadn’t disturbed her in the slightest. Then she could feel them take an unusual route into the academy… going up… and then down… whatever the person did, it was a route that Renatus hadn’t sensed any other person take. “Interesting entrance...” Ahashra said quizzically as she felt the person walk near to her. The Darth was sat cross-legged on the floor, her eyes closed, dark robes burying her body just as her robe shielded her face in shadow. Amused by the spectacle, she continued, “I have no idea what route you took, and I don’t know this building very well, but I can tell you that it was a path less trodden.”
  11. Return to Sender

    Ahashra turned around and smirked at Verrin when he mentioned her being Kaar of Mysteries. “Eventually a title means nothing. There is more mystery out there than is likely left in the Empire - does Dromund Kaas even still exist?” “The Sphere of Mysteries wasn’t the same as the Temple on Nogatan.” She continued, “Whilst they shared certain aspects, the Temple was always about the people. We needed everybody we possibly could in the Temple, even on Nogatan itself. There was pride behind how we grew from strength to strength, until finally, the nanophage happened... and then Dromund Kaas... It was our victory over Dromund Kaas that allowed for something like Mysteries to exist. It was, in a sense, gluttonous. Before my death a great value was placed on people – hence why I gave myself, for my Temple. I didn’t want any of you to die, and Avaris’ technological development soared as a result of the Temples’ spoils. But with Mysteries, bodies and minds were poured into it before I had even got there, fuelling it like a machine – yet they were all dispensable. As a Sith I have a vested interest in the force, but you as much as any know of my specialities. Let me tell you, the artefacts in Mysteries were astonishing... unknown powers, unknown limits. Spirituality weaponised to uncontrollable lengths. I came to Dathomir not with hope of filling the Empires spiritual weapon locker, but to greater understand the darkness that we draw upon. Point being, I don’t care about the titles. If I were to crown myself Queen of Alderaan tomorrow it wouldn’t increase my potential in the force, or gift my enlightenment. That can only be learned out there. Plus someone can take it away – how long before the next Emperor comes along and doesn’t move from his throne room?” At the mention of being some kind of Headmistress, Ahashra became flustered. The Abraxas within her told her to do it... just because. And she did feel impulsive... the temptation tugged on her, fighting against her experience. She wanted to serve Verrin, she wanted to feel safe in this academy, to be surrounded by guards, and walls, her picture on the wall, books at her fingertips... to have authority over all here, but him. In that moment she knew she could do a good job, she could almost see it, all unfolding in her mind... “I can’t become your Headmistress” she blarted out, blushing. “I mean...” she started, backtracking, “I will think about it.” On that note Renatus took in a deep breath, regaining some of her composure. “I know you think a lot of me, and I of you, but this bird needs to fly before I can give you that answer. I don’t know what a Sith like me can do to help you with this, unless you wanted someone dead, but I will be here for you, for now. When your halls are filled with acolytes, and you can’t afford to give old friends a room, then maybe a better Headmistress will come along...” Pausing, Ahashra bit her lip, and then concluded “But they probably won’t, because were talking about me! Okay... an adequate Headmistress, and if not, then you never know, I may think about taking up a more official role.” “Forgive me for not jumping at the chance, but I am here for you, for what I am worth, and I will help you with your vision.” It was then that Ahashra knelt before the Kaar, bowing her head down as she did, and placing her lightsaber to the one side. Hopefully her words and submission where enough for him, regardless of the lack of title attached to her name. "I can serve him better like this..." Ahashra just kept telling herself in her mind. She would always help her culture, loyal to the last, her own goals now simply to feel 'accomplished' and 'complete'... whatever that felt like, and be that through enlightenment of the force or other endeavours.
  12. Return to Sender

    After taking a moment to process things, Ahashra wearily took Verrin by the hand. She had never been a woman for any sort of physical contact, but the gesture was a kind one, and felt supportive given how she reeled in her mind. In a strange sense it almost made her feel like she was back home on Alderaan... although she couldn’t quite place why. Perhaps it were the formality, or a link to her parents, some kind of comfort or reassurance she hadn’t felt for a long time... who truly knew the psychology behind it all. For a time the pair walked, whilst Renatus listened, mulling over a specific detail the Kaar had told her. “Our roles may have reversed, or perhaps there is no place for me here... no title, no responsibility.” On that note the woman smirked an old and familiar smile, her tierd eyes possessed as they moved, as if she were listening to a voice that could not be heard, pretending or otherwise. “How does that diminish one, I wonder...” she said, before raising a quirky brow. Ahashra doubted that she needed to appear clever around Verrin, or try to be, at least, but there was a point there she wanted to make. It was a minor one, sure enough, but she felt compelled to say it regardless. In that moment she embodied the spirit of her younger self, before finally grounding herself in the present once more when she saw the chamber that was to become hers. The room itself was sparse, and metallic, like an apartment in Dromund Kaas... only smaller. All the basic amenities where there, and the decor, apart from being metallic, was a blank canvas... not that Ahashra felt like she would be decorating it much. If she were younger then she likely would have already started plotting on how to escape to a premium suite, but that desire was suppressed. It wasn’t that she didn’t like the finer things in life anymore, or enjoy the same pursuits, but her experiences with life had simply given her other priorities. Right now there were simply greater things that preoccupied her mind, and it was probably a good thing that she wouldn't get too comfortable staying at the academy. Standing in a room that was practically a metal box felt... alien. Unexpectantly she felt rather confined as she gazed from floor to ceiling. “You won’t be here long” she told herself mentally, trying to put herself at ease, running her finger across the metal features. Alas, the reassurance did little, and Ahashra’s nerves began to fray like they had earlier in the Kaar's office. Her ears pricked up when Verrin mentioned that he had questions for her, but that was about as much of a diversion away from feeling both upset and uncomfortable as the Kaar was getting, regardless of talk about the natives. A moment passed after Verrin stopped talking, before the woman finally said his name, “Verrin...” She gave another pause, the tone of her voice as if her mind were distant, her body language fixated on the room around her. “Make the most of this time we have together.” The statement almost felt like it needed an explanation, as if Ahashra knew something that Verrin might not... but she didn't. There was such a borderline in Renatus’ attitude, the likes that she couldn’t even determine herself; was she depressed? Or was she just being cynical from her experience? It was likely a bit of both, considering.
  13. Return to Sender

    A long pause gripped the air, broken only by a deep sigh that escaped Ahashra’s lips. For quite some time she just sat, contemplating, running everything through her mind. Eventually she turned to face Verrin, shaking her head as she did so. “I’m tired of serving Emperors” She said wearily, her bleary eyes catching his. “All my life as a Sith I have dedicated to serving some Emperor. They shower us in titles, responsibilities, and then sit back, building there machines of war. It becomes our responsibility to look after there people, the people that, ultimately, they send to die. Where has it all got us? For all their raw power, strength, and military might, what are the rest of us now if nothing but esoteric masters funded by the desires of the Galaxies rich and edgy youth?" "The old Academy sowed its seeds well, the Temple and Legion reaped them, then the Spheres of Dromund Kaas made them swell. Despite the in-fighting... the return of the Kaggaths... our people were there, the culture was there, and the enemy was there. I bet there are no more Sith on this planet then there was in the Academy on Nogatan... or one of the more lofty buildings of Dromund Kaas... and why? Did the Sith not deserve an Emperor who was willing to lead from the front? Who was willing to step from his throne to meet the Jedi in battle? So many would lay down there lives for their Emperor, their Empress, whoever ruled the Sith... There are times I lament over never having a son, or a daughter, and then I box those feelings away, because I realise it is a blessing that I don’t, for if I did then that same Emperor would have sent me no less than twenty coffins by now and left me with but one of my offspring, if they were even that kind.” Ahashra paused, composing herself from the rising anger and sorrow within. As she remembered the Temple, walking its halls, and the people she thought of as her own... she shed a tear. These people she had nurtured, proudly looked after them, and it had all been for the glory of the Sith Empire... for Emperor Trajan... and then Rae had pointed her to the Sphere of Mysteries, which housed so many bright minds, so much knowledge... “As it is they have left my Temple in ruins, the mysteries of the Sith nought but ash. We have wasted years being guided by those with vain ambitions, our people being slaughtered...” The thought of all the faces she knew that were gone flashed through her minds eye, the sight being enough to take her breath away. “I will stay, for the Sith, but more importantly, for you – if you truly say you need my help. But I will not become a mentor, or an instructor, not unless something within this place resonates with me. I will not watch as this place becomes another play toy for yet another Emperor who does not leave his throne, nor will I become some kind of dark side monk, living in the solitude of a reclusive monastery. Sooner would I be a thorn in the Jedi's side. I don’t mind sharing some of that experience, as you put it, and teaching the odd lesson, but nothing permanent, not unless they are an apprentice, and I don’t expect to find one of those...” On that note the former Kaar lifted her hand up and ran it through her hair, lifting her chin back as her eyes reached for the ceiling. It was all just too much... far too much... Whilst the Sith were known for their bloody brutality, there was a marked difference between slaying the enemy that was the Jedi and absorbing the emotion behind your own loses, particularly when you had once been the one responsible for a large portion of the people who were now dead. It was something that, if it did occur, someone might expect to go through it once in life, perhaps, but Ahashra had endured it as both Abraxas and now as Renatus. Combined with the trauma of death, it was a heavy burden to bear.
  14. Return to Sender

    Ahashra listened whilst the Zabrak laid it all down; the destruction of the Empire, the rout at Dromund Kaas, what would now be written in the histories of the Sith. It wasn’t every day that you were faced with the realisation that your culture had been practically wiped from the face of the Galaxy – She took it pretty well... “I feel like I’m going to throw up” Renatus claimed, taking a large gulp of water as she tried to steady herself. Despite what Silas had told her, the reality of it all was still sinking in. Hearing everything from Verrin made it all so much surreal. Ever since she had first heard of the Empire’s destruction it had felt like someone had driven a corkscrew into her chest. Bit by bit the corkscrew had turned, until now the brunt of her reality bearded down upon her, and her emotions flowed. The pain was heart wrenching. She had come from Alderaan and lived as a young adult on the cusp of gangs abusing her, only for the Sith to lift her up. When she went to Nogatan she became Sith, and in return she gave them everything... and then again on Dromund Kaas... Ahashra was proud of her achievements for the Sith Empire; it was her culture, her people... but now, now it was all gone, nought but bone and ash. Unsteady on her feet, Ahashra fumbled into the closest chair. She rested her head in her hands, applying pressure to her temple as if to stop her mind from exploding, to stop her thoughts from rushing. It did little good. She had been a Dark Lord of the Sith, had risen to everything but Emperor, but here she was, her culture in ruins, planets taken, she was left as just a woman in an office... crying to herself. Silently tears ran down her face, leaving trails where they cascaded. “For all our vision... how could we not have known...”she said through the tears, it being more of a statement than a question. “I didn’t even feel them die.” The statement was a blunt one, as Renatus sniffled her way through it. Bringing her hands away from her face she placed them in her lap, looking down at them in a perplexed manner, as if there was somehow something faulty with them, or her. In that moment she was slightly unhinged, before she started to regain a bit of control over herself. For all Verrin’s explanation, she didn’t know how he could stand there and be strong. Perhaps he had seen it all unfold, and so had become accustomed to the reality, or maybe it was more so anger than despair that drove him. Whatever it was, Ahashra admired it in her moment of weakness. Momentarily she considered if it was worth going on at all... what would life be like now that the Empire was dead? Could what was left even compare to life on Nogatan? Her mind was bogged down in such fruitless, petty questions, the likes of which no-one had the answer to but aided the grip of her hysteria. She couldn’t just sit there and turn it all around; it was going to take time to come to terms with such a life changing disaster. “I’m not sure what to do anymore”, she confessed. “I came here looking for some kind of understanding of the force, thinking that if I looked into the darkness something profound might look back. All I came to realise was that the force is the ultimate truth, that all the petty squabbles of the Sith were just so mundane. I felt enlightened, and basked in my new sense of achievement... it was like being able to read the dark side itself, being able to interpret its pages... but for everything to be gone... it all feels like divine vindication, in a way, but so hollow – like I don’t want it to be. Do I understand why such a catastrophe happened? Im not sure I do... but if the nature of the Sith and all their squabbles had some play in it all then perhaps I do, and perhaps coming out here was the right thing for me to do. But the road to that realisation... the force would have been working with me to get over the destruction of the Sith Empire without ever hinting at it, and years before it even happened, only for me to now realise all of this?” The woman’s voice trailed off at the end, turning what she was saying into more of a question, but one that she wasn’t really looking for an answer to. Instead she was just looking for a bit of reassurance that what she was saying was making sense. Perhaps she was just connecting all the dots in her mind, and they didn’t really make a full picture. Only the force knew the truth, as she attempted to understand herself. “I lead a botched attempt at acquiring a super weapon only for my successor to reap the rewards of my death, and then was summoned to serve her in death. Then I dodged the biggest bullet with my name on it by being selfish and coming out here, leaving my Sphere to die. And lets not forget, I almost decapitated one of your students – one of the last Sith. Even when I was an instructor I was heavy handed. You might have slim pickings, but I’m not the young woman I was... I have baggage, issues, who knows what the result would be now? The only thing I trust myself to do is to fight on the battlefield, against the Jedi, because at least then it’s only me or them. It’s more crucial than ever that the teachers and leaders of the Sith are the best that they can be...” On that note, Ahashra sighed. She was conflicted, and filled with doubt, that was easy enough to tell. She wanted to help, she genuinely did, but how she wasn’t quite sure how. If she were the woman in the painting, then she would do whatever Verrin asked of her... but it was all just too much, and she doubted she could muster the strength to bring success with her efforts.
  15. Return to Sender

    “Thank you, Maggie” Ahashra said softly, giving a slight nod of the head out of respect for her welcome. She was surprised the droid remembered her, but then, she was a droid. Whilst not always the biggest fan of Maggie, Ahashra was still somewhat reassured by her presence. For a moment she considered that Verrin must have not been far behind, and then she saw him in the corner of her eye, making his way. Clearly happy to see him, the Sith raised a brow as a weary smile crept across her face. Finally, she was happy to see him smile at her – eventually. Giving no response until Verrin gestured with his arm, Renatus simply responded modestly. “I would be humbled, Darth Verrin, Kaar of Ancient Knowledge” she said equally as soft as she had spoken to Maggie, if not with a hint of weariness to her voice, before offering a polite nod. She then followed the Kaar to his office, taking note of a certain painting that hung upon the library wall. It was her, but not her as she was now; it was Darth Abraxas. It had been years since she had seen that picture... to look upon it again were both a blessing and a curse. In one regard she felt as though, as Abraxas, she were an unholy martyr of the Sith, but then she felt the weight that came with that. It was too much. She had been given a second chance at life, and as Renatus her new appearance was a physical mask to try and break from her past, but in a way it wasn’t enough – or was it just not enough now? A ripple of emotion cascaded from her through the force, like a single small pebble dropping into a perfectly still lake. It was sorrow, an inward sorrow that her feelings betrayed. “I believe one of your students may have lost this” Ahashra began as they reached the office, stealing herself. She chose not to sit, but to stand, and had eyed the beverage cart on the way in... but decided not to partake. Not yet, at least. “A couple of days ago I bumped into someone in the jungle near here. I had been using resources from Mysteries to live in camps on the planet for sometime, hoping to find something.” The woman paced back and forth as she spoke, her arms and hands typically animated in a rather stern and assertive fashion. “The young man told me something rather disturbing...” For a moment she paused, swallowing hard, “That the Sith Empire is gone?” To speak the words upset her, as if coming to some kind of realisation that what she was saying might actually be true... despite her already suspecting it to be. She was muddled... confused... and her body ached. She would have continued asking more questions, but instead she was forced to pause, letting out a gasp and a grimace as she stretched out the pain in her back.
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